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Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

Conscious parenting in a time of heightened awareness

I’ve been working on the whole “conscious parenting” thing for a while now, and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel!

With the new “normal” of homeschooling my kids, I’ve also been working on being more flexible with them by using the Law of Requisite Variety, which states the system/person with the most behavioral flexibility will influence the system. (And it really works! Give it a try.) Being more flexible means I get along a lot better with them in every context, not just when it comes to doing school work.                         

We’ve been at it for 5 weeks now, 6 more to go.

With all this time together we’ve been learning a lot about each other. I’ve learned that they are both really smart, much smarter than I was at their age. I’ve also learned that they can both be big assholes!

The thing is, I know exactly where they get it from.

Me!

Yes, I’m mom, and they see me react and respond in all my glorious humanness. That comes complete with Ego and Unconscious Mind. That’s why I perceive them to be little assholes.

But, on some level, I must be doing something right because when they hang out with other moms on playdates (pre-quarantine of course) and I’m not around, they are the sweetest little loud angels you would ever meet. That’s the consensus anyway.

My question is…WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY BE THAT WAY FOR ME?!?!

According to Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., in her book The Conscious Parent, it’s because as parents we desperately want our children’s behavior to be “fixed” right now, without having to go through the difficult process of having to change ourselves first.

To me, that translates to…my kids are my biggest teachers.

They are going to push every button I have just so I know what needs attention and possible healing. When they are being assholes, I know it’s because I’m being an asshole. I may not present it the same way they do {or the way I perceive them to}, but somewhere, somehow I’m being an asshole too.

We all have things that we don’t want to be, things we don’t want to admit. These are the shadow aspects of who we are, the things we are not.

One of the things I do as an Integrative Empowerment Coach is to help people embrace those things about themselves that they’ve denied for so long.

When we embrace our shadows by accepting the fact that we are everything and that we have the capacity to be something we REALLY don’t want to be, we gain the freedom to choose who we want to be in any given moment. The key is to find the gift that this aspect of us brings. When we do that, we begin to see that it’s ok for us to use that aspect when we need it.

How do you find that gift?

Look back at the events of your life and see when “being an asshole” has served you. When has that quality helped you get the results you were looking for? When did you move forward a step in life by being what you didn’t want to be?

I’m not talking about going out and hurting others intentionally either. That will probably happen, yes, and they will have to deal with that on their own. But when did you stand up for yourself and someone perceived you as being an “asshole”? (Feel free to insert any quality you’d despise being; asshole works for me.)

By finding a time in your life when you were the thing you didn’t want to be, and it helped you in some way, you make the connection to wholeness stronger, and the ability to choose who you want to be easier.

The other thing with my kids pushing my buttons is that they are just being kids. That’s what kids do. Dr. Tsabary also says that you will only accept your child to the degree you accept yourself.

So, at the end of the day, when we’re all snuggled up getting ready for bed and they say, “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you,” the asshole goes away and the sweet little angel comes out. It’s called balance, people!

Are you trying to be a more conscious parent too?

Leave me a message or head over to my social and let’s share how we’re all getting through this time of togetherness.

How to do the “conscious parenting” thing when your kids are being a**holes.

How to do the “conscious parenting” thing when your kids are being a**holes.

Smores

I am trying the whole “conscious parenting” thing, BUT sometimes I just want to throw in the towel! Lately, my boys are being total assholes, AND I have to figure out a way to put up with it all summer long. AND I love them more than anything in this galaxy.

As we move into the first full week of summer break in this house, I am more terrified than I ever have been in my whole life. How the hell am I going to entertain two energetic little beings who go from Linda Blair to the purple Teletubbie in 0.0000000000001 seconds flat?!

The thing is, I do know where they get it from. Me! Yes, I’m mom and they see me react and respond in all my glorious humaness. That comes complete with Ego and Unconscious Mind. That’s why I perceive them to be the little assholes that they are.

But, on some level, I must be doing something right because when they hang out with other moms on playdates and I’m not around, they are the sweetest little loud angels you would ever meet. That’s the consensus anyway. My question is…WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY BE THAT WAY FOR ME?!?!

Because they are my biggest teachers, that’s why. They are going to push every button I have just so I know what needs attention and possible healing. When they are being assholes, I know it’s because I’m being an asshole somewhere in my life. I may not present it the same way they do {or the way I perceive them to}, but somewhere, somehow I’m being an asshole.

We all have things that we don’t like to be. That’s one of the things I do as a life coach is help people embrace those things about themselves that they’ve denied for so long. The thing is, when we can embrace the fact that we are everything and that we have the capacity to be something we REALLY don’t want to be, we have the freedom to choose who we want to be. The key is to find the gift that this aspect of you has. When you do that you’ll see that its ok to be what you don’t want when you really need it.

How do you find that gift?

How do you embrace the fact that you too are an asshole? Look back at the events of your life and see when “being an asshole” has served you. When did you move forward a step in life by being what you didn’t want to be. I don’t mean hurting others intentionally either. That will probably happen {actually, it totally will}, and they will have to deal with their own shit around it, but when did you stand up for yourself and someone perceived you as being a asshole {feel free to insert any quality you’d despise being, asshole works for me}?

The other thing is that they are just being boys. That’s another conclusion I’ve come to when talking to all my mom friends. At the end of the day, when we’re all snuggled on the couch getting ready for bed {it’s summer vacay, why would they sleep in their own beds?!?!} and they say, “Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you”, the asshole goes away and the sweet little angel comes out. It’s called harmony!

Are you trying to be a more conscious parent too?

Leave me a message! I’ve got a few pointers that have helped me get through those “terrible 2s” and 3s, and 4s, and 5s, and 6s, with a little more hair than I may have otherwise.


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